i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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