Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
