she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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