hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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