I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
third nipple confirmed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
