i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
