My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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