'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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