Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
