but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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