I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
