I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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