would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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