areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cockslap morals
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
