I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
