He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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