If i come over, it means nothing
i don't like sucking hair
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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