I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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