Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
