I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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