I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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