I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
