you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize