Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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