Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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