He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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