dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
