i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize