You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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