All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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