____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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