apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
