Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
