He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
either way he was missing a nipple.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
