I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
