I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
being pregnant is like rehab
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
