tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
