Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
