So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
