He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
