I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
