went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
