She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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