what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
