Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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