i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
