So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
