i jhust puked up my retainher.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
