Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
