she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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