In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
