Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
