Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
