you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
