Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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