He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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