I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
