all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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