She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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