Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
