Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
