I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
