My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was born a porn star she said
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize