New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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