how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
