I wanna bring you to show and tell
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
