Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
