he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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