So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize