i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
