I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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