He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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