YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
