About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
