That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
