Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
