I am puke
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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