I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
