I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I faked an abortion last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Come back. Shots need mouths.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
