My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
