i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
