Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
