when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
