I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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