I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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