Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
