life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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