Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
PANTIES FOUND
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