I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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