if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
