If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
