my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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